… you’re convinced that if you rest more than one day, your muscles will atrophy, your ultra-fit body will turn into a pile of goo and everyone in your age group will beat you.

Human(?) behaviour

… you’re a professional copywriter and add your articles and race reports appeared on Triathlete on your portfolio.
… you would like to be called «Scott» but not sure if instead of your first name or if instead of your family name.
… you’ve gone running in dress/work socks and/or your only pair of under-wear rather than skip a noontime workout just because you forgot these
items.
… you go back to the office without these items *or* wearing them sweaty, *and* you’re darned glad you didn’t have to skip the workout just to
have dry work clothes. (corollary to the one before)
… tell your minister you can only make it to church on Sunday’s in the off season… Which will be after this one more race….
… you ride your bike to the start of a local 10k, and on being questioned, you explain that you need a good warm up.
… you leave work on Friday your boss requests that: «You don’t break anything at one of those ‘athlon things».
… you grin while thinking that Ben and Jerry’s ‘Chubby Hubby’ really is a dietary requirement.

Hot stuff… my stuff!

… your swim gear includes Body Glide and a can of Pam.
… you experiment with more efficient ways to lay out your wingtips, underwear, suit and tie in your bathroom to facilitate the quick transition
from morning workout to morning commute [or substitute appropriate description of female office garb]
… you become ugly when they say: «what is it called? Heart Rate Monitor? And how much is it? ALL THAT MONEY FOR A NO-SHOLDER-STRAP BRA!?!?!?!»
… you get even more ugly when they say: «your bike is fantastic, how much did you pay it? ALL THAT MONEY AND NOT A BASKET??!?! They fooled you.»
… >>>> and NO BELL or KICKSTAND EITHER!!!
… you have three complete sets of sweaty workout clothes in your gym bag at any one time.
… rather than miss a workout, you mix and match the reason before to find the combination of shorts/shirt/socks which is least wet/smelly.
… when buying a new car, not only are you concerned if you can get your bike in it, you ask the dealer what the frame material is and if it could be lightened by adding a few titanium components.
… when shopping for a car, the first thing you look for is whether the car has rain gutters or not so your bike rack is compatible.
… you own more pairs of swim briefs and/or run/bike shorts than pants, underwear and shirts!
… you carry in your car as permanent accessories: A pair (or more) of speedos, a pair (or more) of running shorts, a running tee, Goggles,
trishorts, bike shorts, running shoes, a water bottle, GU and a pair of socks beside what you carry in your training bag!!!! (Scary but they are there!!!!)
… perusing the new Victorias Secret catalog the thought occurs to you: «where’s the coolmax?»
… you buy your first wetsuit. Naaah. Your third wetsuit.
… you own more than one set of aero wheels, since you just *know* the Zipp deep-rims will be more effective in an extreme crosswind than
those new tri-spokes…
… you move from a one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom just so you can have a place to store all your training equipment.
… you don’t remind the folks who have three wetsuits and two wheelsets that *they* are actually the nutty ones.
… when you can estimate distances better than your car odometer and can tell how accurate a treadmill/bike trainer’s readings are.
… when you have more swimsuits, running socks, shorts, and bike jesreys hanging up to dry in your bathroom than you have towels.

You bet!

… you can comment on subtle differences in the coverage of the Ironman for every year since it was the Bud Light Ironman… and you have the
video-tapes to prove you’re right.
… you paid more for your bicycle that you did for your car.
… you spend more for nutritional supplements to improve your athletic performance than you spend for food.
… you can’t remember the last time you had all your toe-nails, and you’ve actually grown kinda fond of the alternating blue/black and white/pink
pattern on alternate toes.
… you can use the words «hammer» and «brick» in a conversation that has nothing to do with construction.
… you really enjoy hearing NTFs (non-tri-friends) say ‘Are you insane?’, when you talk about doing an Ironman.
… you’re out with the local bike club when they stop at the lake to ‘go for a swim’ and you really go for a swim.
… you try to convince everyone you know that the best performance of Tom Selleck is when – as Thomas Magnum – he run IMH, and scream: «and
there’s no Emmy for this. Why? Politics, of course!»
… you have watched the «Karen Smyers passes Paula Newby Fraser doubled over and delirious» sequence from the 1995 race, and the «Mark Allen passes Dave Scott» sequence from ’89 at least 50 times… And at least 10 of these in slow motion.

X rated!

… your idea of a romantic evening is to snuggle with your loved one, sip Gatorade and watch a video of the Ironman… and cry at the finale.
… your wear your heart rate monitor during a «romantic interlude» to see if it qualifies for a cardio workout. Then, you check your recovery time to see how fit you are… and if you breathe hard during a «romantic interlude», you’re faking it.
… when people start referring to your training partner as your husband/ wife.
… (Corollary to above) when you are dining out with your husband/wife and people accuse you of having an affair with your actual spouse.
… You stretch before and after baking cookies.

Trintrospective…

… you think seriously about the merits of shaving your legs… in January.
… during times of stress at work, your dreams are always the same: you are in an endless transition area, unable to find your bike (T1), or having
left your running shoes back in the car (T2). In severe cases, you worry about finishing the race on time so you can catch a plane (T3).
… the thought of peeing in your shorts during a long race, or throwing up while riding or running doesn’t seem all that weird anymore.
… urinating before a race, you wonder what the gram equivalent is so you know how much unneeded weight you’ve discarded.
… urinating before a race, you wonder what the gram equivalent is so you know how much unneeded weight you’ve just discarded, making
yourself «that much lighter».
… you’re either working out, just finished from working out, tired from working out, or planning your next work out.
… if it hasn’t actually thundered in the last 5 minutes, and if the rain is only coming down moderately, you see absolutely no reason to postpone your
open-water swim.
… your sense of safety versus your desire for a workout becomes so warped that you swim by yourself across a large body of water in dense fog.
… your SO knows when you haven’t been training because of your lousy mood.
… you have memorized the names and performance histories of the half-dozen or so people just ahead and just behind you in your age group in your area. When someone passes you whom you haven’t «scouted», you make it a point to interrogate (uh, «chat») with them after the race.
… the amount of time working out you thought was insanely too much prior to being a triathlete is only a fraction of the time you know spend on an easy day…

All in the family

… if a parent, you occasionally bring your kid(s) to the track or the pool with a coloring book while you work out. In extreme cases, you have them
time your intervals and yell out splits.
… your parents/spouse/significant other calls you at the gym because that the only time they know where they can actually reach you. (yes, it happened to me).
… you try the Mr Spock vulcanian method to convince your girlfriend to begin swimming (it works!).
… your spouse stops being amazed, and merely accepts that there is no crazed test of endurance that you won’t try at least once.
… (Collary to above) when the only time you will give up valuable training time is when you have to attend mandatory family functions.
… you keep track of your dog’s running mileage to ensure that s/he is on track to keep up with you as you get faster.
… when you *propose* family outings that are 50 miles from home, and mention only in passing that your spouse will be driving
the kids *out* to that place by him or her self, whilst you bike there and catch a ride home with them.
… you automatically repeat «No mom, I don’t catch a cold getting out the water and jumping on the bike» every time you see her on a beach.
… you automatically catch a cold if your bike is not there!

Have tri – will travel

… you think nothing about doing a triathlon in the morning and two hours later catching a plane for a long business trip.
… on vacation, you only book hotel/motel room that has a gym facility on location or affliated with it. (and you call to check to
see what kind of equipment they have).
… your favourite places for vacations are places most people have never heard of: Kona, Roth, Penticton…
… you travel 20 hrs. to do a race that will last 70 mins with no hope of getting a prize.

The rest of the world

… your colleagues frequently introduce you to clients or new people in the office as «the guy/gal who’s does triathlons».
… your idea of «complete race preparation» includes a Sunday morning dress rehearsal run through the neighborhood in your speedo.
… you’ve cycled enough miles to have found *all* the crazy drivers within 100 miles, and you’ve pounded on the windows of at least a third of
them at the next stop light.
… when running through a bad section of town, a gang of youths hits you in the face with a brick. Out of habit, you remember to stop your
watch.
… when your physical therapist lectures you on the evils of riding a (stationary) bike with a flat back instead of a straight back and your response is …….
… when your friends stop inviting you to social outings because they know it will interfere with your training … and your significant other stops trying to make you go.
… when you get up for your morning workout at the same time your college roommate is going to bed.
… you talk to your non tri friends and mention that you want to do the Escape from Alcatraz, and they think its only a long swim.

Are we really different?!?!

… you wear a heart rate monitor when you sleep so you can get an accurate resting pulse rate.
… you have to decide between buying a home entertainment center or a new set of racing wheels – and you go for the wheels.
… when you go to a party, you add protein powder to your drinks to stay in the 40-30-30 zone.
… you can intelligently debate the virtues of a 75 verses 78 degree seat angle bike.
… you get to bed by 9:00 PM to be rested for your 5:00 AM swim workout.
… you are so wiped out by your double workouts every day that you can’t stay awake after 9:00 PM anyway.
… if your boss tells you that you have to work this weekend, the first thing you think about is the training you’ll miss.
… your first criteria in buying a car is that the trunk has to be big enough to hold your bike.
… at the begining of every summer, you get a sunburn right above your butt crack.
… you consume the vast majority of your caloric intake while in motion (on the bike, or driving to or from a workout).
… you have at least one picture of yourself finishing a major race prominently displayed in your office/cubicle.
… you own your car and make payments on your bike.
… you start to consider the time spent on Tri – DRS as a «easy group workout» and add it in the easy week of train when you need to recover but
suddenly remember of #1.
… your summer tan line includes a bright white stripe across your back.
… you think that having a hip flexor muscle the size of a golf ball is normal.
… you hear the term «air strikes» on the TV news and expect to see footage of an cyclist laid out on a pair of Profiles.
… you know *exactly* what time the sun rises for virtually any week of the year, especially during the summer, when you know plus or minus 3
minutes when it will get light enough to bike semi-safely.
… you spend 20 minutes putting large bandages on the soles of your feet so that you don’t have to miss your run that day.
… (Corollary to above) You aren’t too concerned when your socks are soaked with blood after a long run.
… when someone asks how long it takes to get to your house, your response is: «running or by bike?».
… you un-selfconciously smear your private parts with vaseline in public.
… you see nothing odd in sprinting through towns in a howling gale wearing a only a woolly hat, Speedo’s and a number belt. (lousy racing weather last
year).
… your significant other does’nt find it odd either (anymore).
… when you start to cook dinner and have to go in your tri-bag for your can of Pam.
… when your bill for vitamins, supplements, protein powders, and Cytomax far out reaches your grocery bill.
… when you will happily go out on a long training run in zero degree weather and then complain when you have a long walk in the cold
from your car to the grocery store.
… you extend your run until after the it stops raining so that you don’t have to wait to jump on the bike.
… there’s such a thing as an *easy* hour swim, an *easy* three hour ride ,and an *easy* 10 mile run.
… you overhear the word «draft» in a conversation and it doesn’t occur to you that they’re ordering beer.
… you show up at a local 10K and you’re one of the only people wearing cool sunglasses.
… you think about weekends not as a time to do chores and/or spend time with your spouse/kids, but as a time to get in those long workouts.
… plan how once you complete your tempo run on the treadmill, you»ll ice your knee’s as you drive to the pool.
… you know you’re a triathlete when, with your race number still written on, you stop at McDonald’s for coffee on the way home from a race and the little kid in line next to you whispers to his mother, «Did that lady just get out of prison?».
… you like Powerbars more than candy bars.
… you smile broadly when your NTFs say that they would consider doing a triathlon if it wasn’t for the swimming.
… you hold on clenchin’ yer teeth til that *%#@ easy week and on Monday evening you’re bored and walk the dog eighteen times turning a dobermann
into a chow chow.

From https://www.cris.com/~thompete/tri-drs/top100reasons.html circa 1996.